Welcome to PITFALL, $name.

The only way you win... is to make it out alive.

Health: $healthPoints

I freeze. No sudden movements.

Electric green eyes study me warily as I study them. Its eyes feel like they’re piercing my soul. I swear I see intelligence in them and possibly... pain? No, hunger.

I force myself to look away from those unnerving eyes. The dim light is better than I first thought. A scaly snout covered in green-purple iridescent scales puffs out warm breath. The only distinguishing mark is two bright blue slashes like an "X" across its right eye.

The horned head raises up, revealing a long neck and... flaming hell. Are those wings?

A dragon. A freaking dragon.

Massive, bat-like wings spread out before me. It’s sitting on its haunches with little T-Rex arms folded close to its body. Its as big as a pick-up truck.

I tamp down a strange urge to laugh. Crying hysterically is not a good look for your impending doom.

I need to...

Health: $healthPoints

With the speed of a drunken hamster, I dive back into the oversized plant. My sudden movement seems to have startled the beast. Its earth-shattering roar is accompanied by a stream of fire. Yes, fire. Think a blow torch times 100.

By some miracle, the flames shoot over me as I cower with my arms protecting my head. But when they finally stop, I realize I didn't make it through completely unscathed. Note to self: next time, tuck your butt as well as your head.

• //Sigh.// * Looks like I won't be sitting anytime soon.

Health: $healthPoints

The best defense is a good offense. Right?? Show this oversized reptile who's boss!

With every ounce of strength I have, I launch my hiking boot at its vulnerable eye. It didn't get even halfway there before a stream of fire incinerates my boot... and me.

I would have marveled at the possibility that a dragon exists in the 21st century. But, unfortunately, I can’t.

Because I’m dead.

Health: $healthPoints

With painfully slow movements, I get to my hands and knees.

Running from an apex predator. Brilliant. Maybe next time I should just roll over and expose my soft underbelly.

Health: $healthPoints

I slowly crawl out of the plant and look around, feeling the dragon's eyes on me. First thing I do is look up. I'm shocked to see a big open space too high above me. I figured I fell into a crevice but now I see I'm at the bottom of some kind of buried silo.

I scan the ground around me. Besides the plant that no doubt saved my life (oh, and the blood-thirsty dragon), there's not much in the pit. On the far wall from the dragon is a small waterfall. At least I won't die of thirst. Yay.

Health: $healthPoints

Apparently, a diet of fear and hiding is not enough to sustain a person. Without food or water, I wither up and die in my big-ass plant.

Health: $healthPoints

The shield slides easily on to my arm. It's surprisingly light for its size. Feeling like the First Avenger, I strike my most dashing pose for my scaly audience. "What do you think?"

Not even a whistle. Tough crowd.

Health: $healthPoints

I make my way to the waterfall. Or what was probably a waterfall at some point but is now just a trickle. Residue lines tell me the water used to gather in a shallow channel and flow across the pit. It's dried up now. The remaining trickle disappears down some cracks at the base of the wall.

As I fill the bucket, I send up a silent thanks to the medieval crate supplier who was so thoughtful in outfitting this getup.

Cool, crisp water quenches my dry throat.

Health: $healthPoints

I wonder if it’s finally noticed my tasty-morsel status. Crème Brûlée, anyone?

My best course of action is to...

Health: $healthPoints

I wrap the blanket around me. It's musty but warm.

Ok, now to escape. The dragon hasn't advanced, but I can feel it watching me.

Health: $healthPoints

I uncoil the rope. Forty feet long. Not nearly long enough to reach the top of this pit, even if I attached the end to something heavy.

I walk over and run my hand along the wall, only to find cold metal under my fingers. Every curse word in my repertoire flies out of my mouth.

Health: $healthPoints

I hear clanking. My new roommate hisses viciously. That's not promising. I wonder if it’s finally noticed my tasty-morsel status.

Health: $healthPoints

I decide to...

Health: $healthPoints

The wooden handle of the axe is surprisingly smooth against my skin. And surprisingly heavy.

I plant one foot on the side of the crate for leverage and heave. The weight of the axe causes me to stumble back.

I realize something. I just went from pathetic human to axe-wielding human.

Health: $healthPoints

My biggest question is why it doesn't just fly out of here. Its wingspan could easily fit through the gaping top of this pit. Did I stumble into its lair?

It shifts, and I hear clanking again. It's chained to the wall.

Ohhhh, so that's why it hasn't eaten me yet. It can't reach me!

A thick steel manacle surrounds one of its hind legs. Time or struggling against the manacle (probably both) has rubbed away the tough scales, leaving that ankle raw and bloody.

Health: $healthPoints

I meet its piercing gaze. "Are you just biding your time until you can eat me?" I whisper.

No answer.

I decide to...

Health: $healthPoints

Ugh, why's this thing so heavy?

I grit my teeth and heave the axe out of the crate. Something's not right.

I barely have enough time to drop the axe and duck behind my shield before fire blasts me.

"Fudge on a stick!" That hurt.

Health: $healthPoints

I slowly walk over to the dragon's head and pull the blanket and rope off it. Its lifeless eyes stare at me. Creepy.

But nothing will dampen my spirits! I wrap myself in that musty blanket and go to sleep without a care in the world.

DAY 1 (after dragon)

I wake up to the smell of rotting dragon.

It's so bad I choke on the stench of it.

Looks like I won the battle and lost the war.

Health: $healthPoints

DAY 5 I wonder if that plant is poisonous....

DAY 15 Must. Eat. Time to try dragon sushi.

DAY 35 Finally wither up and die of starvation.

Health: $healthPoints